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Weekly Topics
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Written by Rohn
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Hi, this is dad! What you are about to read is most likely going to be like hearing someone talk about the fantastic meal they just ate. It is never quite the same and you just don't quite enjoy it the same way they did! But I have had the benefit of being married to one of the great Mum's of the world for 30 years and some of it better have rubbed off! I might also say that I grew up with one of the worlds great Mum's who, to her five chldren was Mother, Father, Full TIme Worker, Disciplinarian, Coach and Friend! So understanding intimately well that the family structures we may currently be in are not all the same, the principals I am going to mention remain valid and are capable of being adapted to what our families are.
Many years ago I was sitting in a meeting where the person speaking said, "One of the most important things you can do for your children is to let them know that you love their mother." I remember thinking that there were probably lots of more important things I could do for my children. Like, a home, food, a good education, sport, etc etc. I have since that time come to realise that although those things are necessary and even important and as such demand a high degree of our time and energy as fathers, they are not the main game. A family can be looked at as anything from a lifelong association to an eternal unit. We approach ours as a family that literally has the potential to be, forever. With this in mind then if your goal as a husband and wife is to remain together as a family, it is obviously important that that relationship in the family be a very strong one. Hence, one of the most important things I can do for my children is to let them know that I love their mother! I would add to that, respect her, be loyal and faithful. All traits that should exist amongst family members.
So comes another of those things I once heard and didn't immediately understand or agree with, "Your first responsibility is to your wife and then to your children." My reasoning was that my children were small, defenceless, in need of care and attention and training and my wife was big enough and smart enough to look after herself. But as is often the case, my line of reasoning took a more practical and immediate view of the situation and failed in the long term department! A Husband and a Wife are the very foundation of a family unit. And like most things in life, if you try to build on a shaky foundation, you are in for trouble. Maybe you will get by today, or for a week or a month or perhaps even for years but sooner or later it is going to crack and things are going to fall. So, it is necessary, no vital that the proper attention is given to make your relationship with your wife not just strong but continually strengthening, developing and growing. It too has an eternal nature and we should never be satisfied that it is "okay". Okay is not good enough nor is it even a worthy challenge. I doubt that we would find any of our sporting favourites or those we look up to in the business world as ones who settle for "Oh, it's okay!"
So, back to the real points of what I am trying to say. Yes, one of the best things I can do for my children is to let them see and know that I love their mother and that she is valuable to me beyond reasoning. I love the opportunity to say in my "stern" voice, "Don't you talk to my wife like that!" Our relationship and the way we and our wives treat each other set the standards for relationships and actions in our homes. And the second, my first focus has to be on ensuring that my relationship with my wife is sound and that we are progressing and making it better all the time.
I have often thought back to the day we were married. At that time I thought that I loved her about as much as could ever be. Now as I look back and see how our relationship has grown and continues to grow, in the words of one of her favourite singers I realise that it then, was only puppy love! (I never thought I would say that!!)
So dads, you will always find the time to do what needs to be done and to care for your families needs but always make the time to care for the most important aspect of your families ongoing existence, your wife, their mother and your relationship with her!
Dad |
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Written by Lisa Rigby
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Helen's motto: "You need a paddock to raise boys."
Parks are your own paddock, the acres you don't have to pay for, the lawn you don't have to mow. And you don't have to tidy up afterwards.
SPACE, freedom, adventure, running. Forget free range chickens, we need free range children - not cooped up and electrically coddled. Get out that energy in healthy ways for children who are tired from burning up their energy, not tired from lethargy.
In a large open space you can watch alot of children at once. If they don't come up with their own games, give them a little start - a piece of cardboard box to slide down the hill. Wrap up in a raincoat and roll down the hill. Tie a rope to a tree and haul yourself up, or a box of equipment (food) using a simple pulley. Climb in a box and be pushed in grass races - until you hit a bump. A stick is a sword or a horse or a tight rope pole. Every little girl knows leaves and pieces of bark are just as good as money for playing shops.
At a park, the children's obedience is their freedom. Give older ones a whistle and you blow signals to each other - appear and wave, come back, help!, or (the most popular) bring food. Use this play to show the principle that obedience increases freedom rather than restricting it. The more they can obey, the farther they can go. You CAN take them to the beach because you know they will obey enough to keep them safe.
Having four boys in a row and being a city girl, I had a fear of raising city boys - pampered, afraid of nature, unable to take care of themselves. I would rather have to deal with a broken arm than have my boys afraid to climb a tree.
Overdone caution restricts their development. We actively stop the children from experiencing range. We keep them completely comfortable - never cold, hungry, or worn out. They need to experience contrast to learn many of life's lessons and to learn compassion for others. Hungry means that slight niggle between snack times, not the real pain of hunger. Cold means slightly chilly. Hot means a liitle too warm. Rush inside to the heater and airconditioner. Let them develop a little fortitude and a great place to do it is at the park.
Bush walking, beaches, mountains, open fields - whatever nature is near you. You don't have to prepare or plan. Just take food and go. You can guarantee an adventure. They just happen.
Examples:
Three times we walked along an ordinary country road - high hedges on each side. The first time we threw our own special leaf or stick off the bridge and raced them - which appeared on the other side first? The second time a sheep was out. We tried to herd it back inside the fence and discovered that sheep are completely stupid. The third time we noticed how solid and prickly those hedges were, but that animals had made little paths under them and a few brave children tried to follow the paths. Each time we returned rosy cheeked and happy with an exciting adventure to tell those left at home.
Bushwalking along trails in the city we have fed ducks, come across a brightly coloured, thorny and very impressive lizard, hidden so well that even the dog couldn't find us by lying flat on top of a high rock, got caught in a downpour and found that trees work pretty good, and imagined that bushland as cleared and dull as the suburbs.
At the beach we have seen an octopus in a rock pool, made prize winning sand sculptures, discovered that when the air is cold the water seems warm, and envied surfers, sailors, hang gliders and the lifesavers with their long boats and oars.
At the local park we have made a secret fort, hidden and stalked bad guys (sisters), put on a gymnastics display showing off skills that none of them had, stopped for a quick play and stayed two hours in the rain 1. because they were having soooo much fun in the red mud they found somewhere and 2. because the mothers were delaying the trauma of the clean up, and enjoying chatting.
Bundle up the baby, take some hand work so you can relax and be creative all while allowing adventures, invite a friend. Consider it a healthy necessity for children, not an inconvenience for you.
So turn off the electirc toys, get off the couch, get out of the house and go free range. |
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Written by Lisa Rigby
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Mothers are a humble lot.
When asked what she does, she says, "Oh I'm just at home with my children." She doesn't say, "I'm an architect of society, I'm building character for eternity. I'm nurturing the body, mind and spirit in my holy calling of motherhood." Harriet Beecher Stowe, Spencer W. Kimball
Here is a quote from Susannah Wesley. Her son asked her to tell how she raised her family while her husband was imprisoned for his religious beliefs. Her son was John Wesley, one of the great reformers.
"The writing anything about my way of education, I am much adverse to. It cannot, I think, be of service to anyone to know how I, who have lived such a retitred life for so many years, used to employ my time and care in bringing up my own children. No one can, without renouncing the world in the most literal sense, observe my methods and there are few if any, that would entirely devote above twenty years of the prime of life in hopes to save the souls of their children, which they think may be saved without so much ado; for that was my principal intention, however unskillfully and unsuccessfully managed."
If the children are doing well, she says,"Oh it's not because of me, they are just really good kids." If a child is struggling, she says,"It's because I am not very good at teaching children."
Or if asked her job, she will even mention her career first, such as nurse or teacher, all the while knowing that the job that takes up all her best efforts, her thought, time, energy and dedication is her job as mother.
The mother job is all about faith and hope and love. You believe what you are doing is the best for them and the right thing to do, you try so hard and hope for the best even when things look discouraging, and you love the children so dearly.
After it is finished and you are not raising those children anymore, then at last you know what worked for them and what they needed. Then. When you don't have the job anymore. God didn't set up the world so that the grandmothers raise the children, because they know how. Mothers raise the children, mothers with your love and energy and vision and searching and worrying. Mothers are the best mothers!
I love to see a young mother with confidence. She may be humble, but she knows what she's about and goes at it with heart and soul.
It is a serious business but can be joyful, satisfying and even fun, day to day, if you take it all with a spirit of adventure and challenge.
"As the years pass you will become increasingly grateful for that which you did in molding the lives of your children in the direction of righteousness and goodness, integrity and faith." Gordon B Hinckley
One of the main things I have hoped to help you understand is that you may not be perfect but you are a good mother. Take your own advice over society's. As a whole they haven't done so well.
Whereas YOU! Just a short time ago God sent one of his most precious children into your care, trusting you to do your best, love, pray for guidance and nurture this little one with all your heart and soul.
Do it your own way, according to how you feel and dream it should be. Create a childhood in the confidence that with God's help, you will do well.
"May the Lord bless you, my beloved sisters. You are the guardians of the hearth. You are the bearers of the children. You are they who nurture them and establish within them the habits of their lives. No other work reaches so close to divinity as does the nurturing of the sons and daughters of God." Gordon B. Hinckley |
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Written by Lisa Rigby
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It's how a child learns.
You've seen them at it- They are so intensely involved in their game that nothing else matters- not hunger or cold or tiredness. The game is
so important to them that anything else is an interruption- their eyes shine, their cheeks are rosy. They are intensely and joyfully in the moment.
This kind of play is so important. Their imagination is fully engaged, their little bodies are active. The original, spontaneous play that shines
out in the memory of childhood.
There are philosophies and school systems setup to nurture this essence of childhood. But as with other aspects of creating a childhood,
the best place is home and the best person is mother.
Don't over-schedule them so there is no time for self -directed play.
You don't entertain, rather provide the environment.
A happy environment that encourages creative play.
Provide another child, nature, a few props and time- uninterrupted time.
"But Muuuummmmm, we're in the middle of a GAME!!!!!!!"
Allow thinking, allow mistakes, allow creativity and mess, slot large blocks of time.
Adults like clean, tidy, untouched. Children need creative mess, junk to use in their game. Hands on.
An unfininshed backyard or a place that is not too organised to become a den, a dirt bike track, a campsite, a construction site, or a kitchen for
mud pies.
In a summer downpour, float leaf boats down the gutter, go dancing in the rain, or boogie boarding down the grass.
Notice and enjoy the contrast- cold, wet, tired from hard play. You warm, dry and relax them. Reinforce that home is the source of all
good things. YOU are the source of all good things.
Set up contrasting experiences- walk home from school on a cold day and arrive home to hot milo and cinnamon toast.
Or let them stagger home on a sweltering day, then jump in the pool in their school uniform and socks. Or a water fight that you start.
Remember freedom in alot of areas- strict in a few? (From Teaching Children Obedience)
Play unusual games-
'Tractors in the snow'- a can of shaving cream they spray on the kitchen countertop and drive toy cars and tractors through the drifts.
'Mummys'- a roll of toilet paper wrapped around arms, legs, heads. Then ripped up into snowflakes, then collected and smashed small in a cup of water.
'Spagetti pictures'- give them cooked spagetti to draw with on the kitchen cupboard. Leave it over night to harden or just eat it.
'Aquariums'- Paint on the outside of your windows with children's paint, then go inside the room and you are underwater. (It sprays off-
it also gives your husband the heebee-geebees...)
I love the cub scout approach- Keep them so busy having fun there is no time or inclination to act up. Try it- soon you'll say,
"No, we don't have a TV problem. We are too busy having fun."
I'll put up the "fun things list" I've collected one of these weeks......
Some obstacles to real play-
Money- don't pay for play. It is stifling their own ideas, and unneccessary. You don't need money to have fun.
Electric toys- expensive, preprogrammed, addictive. Do you really want your child's mind directed by large corporations?
Too many classes
Too many toys!!
Too many rules
Fear of nature
Fear of getting dirt on knees and clothes.
Overdone caution- you've heard the term "helicopter parent"- always hovering
One more essential ingredient- a mother to pop in and say,"OH WOW! Show me again!"
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Written by Lisa Rigby
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Watch your baby. She sees something new - say, a cup - grabs it, touches it, feels it all over, turns it round and round, tastes it, sucks on it. She's so interested in it that she will cry if you take it away before she's done.
Attention span - we complain that a child's is too short.
Try letting your baby alone when he is giving his attention to something. Don't interrupt him. Let him test it out. Let him try different games without predicting for him what will and will not work. Leave him to explore this exciting new thing - even if it is just a bucket - until his curiosity is satisfied. Do this alot, at every age. You will soon notice as you do, that you would naturally cut short nearly all of his attention. Come to lunch, don't touch that, we have to go, here look at this instead.
We just do that as part of trying to fit in all we do each day. But then we complain and wonder about a short attention span. We train them to have a short attention span.
I read an interesting book once that affected the way I understood and managed my children. It was by a mother who did an experiment on this subject with her 4 children. She had noticed the intense curiosity and decided to nurture this to an unusual degree. She spent all of her day minding them as she let them explore to the end of their interest, until they, of their own will had turned away- attention span undisturbed - left to its natural course. She provided new objects, information, ideas, nature, and experiences. Her guiding principle was to let them use and develop their curiosity to its full extent. She would put them to bed at 7, then do all the housework and cooking so she was free to give uninterrupted support the next day. Her children were all apparently geniuses.
Now I don't have any geniuses but I was intrigued by the idea. To encourage a child's innate love of learning instead of stifling it for convenience sake.
Pre schools and schools promote this fragmented interest. "First we will be interested in numbers for 10 minutes, then we will talk about animals." Most kids adapt. It isn't the best way to learn. It is the most convenient way to teach.
Self directed learning. Self motivated education. High schools try to teach these skills. It seems like a child HAS these skills, we dull them for years, then try to recover them.
At least while they are in your hands, in the early years and in your after school adventures, you can foster this love of learning, this natural curiosity, by just being aware and letting your child frequently have undisturbed attention span. You provide the time, and environment, then stand back and watch your own genius at work. |
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