In December, I started this topic.  It takes some mother training on your part.  As you become an expert on your child (and who else will be?) you will see more clearly the childhood he needs.
 
From December, just to remind you:

"What is this day like for him? 
 
How does the world look for her? 
 
What in this day made him feel happy?
 
What in the day feels important and interesting to your child?
 
What concerns, fears, interests does she think about?
 
Yeah, I wish we could all be like Mary Poppins and have a maid and a cook and plenty of money and our only job was to tend the children.  There are many things we need to handle, and we do handle them.  But a busy mother can easily go days, weeks, even a whole childhood without asking herself these questions.  As the director and guardian of his childhood, you determine how his time is spent, what she is exposed to and which feelings are prevalent in the child's life. Trying to see the day through your child's eyes changes your perception of what is most important in your child's life.  Often it brings you down to simple, happy realities.  Often it strips away those pressures that seem important but are not.

This "seeing through a child's eyes" has alot of applications in helping you understand your child and your job as mother, in planning their childhood and in training their mother. So practise it and become good at it and next month I'll show you some of these.  As Carli says in her profile, your vision will expand as you take time to look through your child's eyes."

1.Understanding your child

2.Understanding your job as mother

3.Planning their childhood

4.Training their mother.

There are others but this is a start

1. Understanding your child

Here is an example from one of you, Emma Hamilton.  By taking the time to look through her child's eyes she understood him, so her mother response was in line with her vision:
 
 I am getting better at handling distressing situations.  When my 3yr old pulled out my fruiting and flowering snow peas I didn't yell at him but told him it made mummy sad because now the plant would die and we wouldn't get any vegetables from the plant anymore.  I asked him why he did it and he said the plants were in the way, his train couldn't get through on the garden edge which had become his train track. Once I understood the reason, and Sam often has a reason for his behaviour, it is easier to see that in this instance it wasn't a deliberate naughty thing and I handled it much better, without getting angry.  When Sam left home and took his 18 mth old brother with him I was starting to panic searching the house and yard for my missing children.  When I found them around the corner and halfway down the road I ran to them and hugged them and told them how worried I was and that they should tell mummy before going for a walk.  Normally I would have yelled and smacked.  Sam was just trying to follow his dad and older brother to soccer, he had explained

2. Understanding your job as mother

Another of you, Kelly, wrote this poem to describe how the view was so much better when she looked though her child's eyes.

Don’t Forget to Play

 
I’m going over in my mind
The jobs to complete today
But on my list I forgot to put
To find the time to play
 
I always make the bed
The dishes do get done
But when was the last time
I read a story to my son?
 
The bathroom is getting on my nerves
There’s dirt just everywhere
My kids don’t seem to see it though
They really do not care
 
I just want the house to stay the same
As I left it just last night
I love it when the carpet’s clean
And the pillows sit just right
 
It’s the middle of the morning
And I haven’t cleaned the room
But my child is jumping on me
Begging me to ‘do a zoom!’
 
Lunch has just been served
It’s time now for his nap
I’ll get so much done while he’s asleep
But he won’t get off my lap.
 
I really need to fold the clothes
But he’s dragging me outside
I wish that he’d play by himself
So I could stay inside
 
 I stop & think a moment
Why am I so mad?
My day is not going to plan
And my son just seems so sad
 
When did it all start
Getting out of hand?
I take a look around
& my eyes rest on my plan
 
Was it that I made the mistake
Of forgetting why I’m home?
Was this what I really wanted
When I brought my baby home?
 
I stop & get a shock
What is it that I am doing?
I’m trying to raise a family
But I will be my own ruin
 
I put the vacuum away
The dishes can just wait
I grab my son by the hand
& we walk out of the gate
 
We go for a little adventure
My little boy & I
We watch the birdies in the trees
& follow them as they fly
 
We stop & read together
One, two, now three times through
He never gets tired of hearing my voice
And following the actions we do.
 
We have a cuddle & a tickle
& roll upon the ground
He looks up at me and smiles
His voice full of happy sounds
 
At this moment he is
The happiest boy that lived
Why don’t I let him feel this every day
Not just when I decide to give?
 
It all depends on me
If he is happy or feeling sad
If I am the mum I know I can be
He will have joy in life & be glad
 
It’s funny how the day ended
Though my list was incomplete
I gave in to my son’s demands
But I felt nothing of defeat
 
It gave me so much joy
To see my son so full of smiles
All he wanted was for his mum
Just to stay with him a while
 
I enjoyed his so soft touch
And the smell of his baby hair
He gives such good cuddles
How could I have not wanted to be there?
 
He has gone to bed just now
As tired as he's ever been
But his smile was just for me
The best one I have ever seen
 
His eyes told me he was grateful
For the time I spent today
All he wanted was to be with me
And to take the time to play
 
Kelly Peihopa

3. Planning their childhood

You can choose which parts of the social culture around you, you wish your family to participate in. You are the one creating this childhood. If you want to do something differently -DO IT.  It's not as if our modern child raising culture is a formula for success. As you are making the decisions of what his childhood will include - with all the input you will receive from those around you - let your knowledge of the child, his wants, talents, temperament and above all, happiness, influence you the most.  What is his life like for him?  What makes him happy?

I am encouraging you to feel confident to make the decision necessary to create the childhood YOU have in mind.  Don't be pressured into doing what you don't want to do. Remember, YOU have both the knowledge and the intuition- the feeling, to make the best decision for your child.  You also have the love to put the child first.

4. Training their mother

Over and over the things you each tell me prove that the love of a child is the motivation for all you do. It helps you put aside your own worries and think about the power you have to make a child happy.

To help you with learning this useful habit you could try two things.

For a month ask yourself each day- What is this day like for her?  What in this day made him feel happy?  Remembering that children have strong feelings- notice how your child expresses or hides them.

At bedtime you can ask:

What was your "happy" today?

What was your "sad"?

What are you thankful for?

You'll learn alot about her.  You'll understand him better.  You'll see the day through your child's eyes.

There are two more weeks left of the brotherly love campaign - Loyalty and competition. 
But I just wanted to pause this week, to try to explain something in response to a few of your comments.

Babies communicate through feelings instead of words.
When you hold a baby, the baby feels love just like you do. 
When you are angry or crying, the baby starts to cry- he doesn't know what is wrong, he just feels the feeling. 
When you laugh, the baby laughs. 
If you are calm, the baby is calm, unless she has a problem.
If you are stressed and hassled, the baby is fussy.
You will have noticed that when you are very busy and life is hectic, when you especially need the child to behave well - he doesn't!
He is responding to your feelings.
If you are annoyed, fed up, out of patience, he becomes even more annoying and clingy and demanding.
When there is harmony between you, the child is cooperative.

 
I wrote the following shortly after the birth of my seventh child.  I won't edit it because I think it might help with what I am trying to explain:

I think babies even feel your feelings when they are in the womb. Because of this I have tried to be calm, happy and peaceful throughout the pregnancy.  The hormones do make you more emotional but also heighten the good emotions- love, gratitude, joy.  You just have more feelings of all kinds.  What to do with this?  I say work with it, as a positive thing.  See it as a time to increase your sensitivity, your love.
Since I am not as emotionally stable during the pregnancy and certainly not as able physically  (I think I run at about 1/4 capacity),  I do things to make sure I stay as calm and happy as I can.  I believe nurturing these feelings during pregnancy is as important in making a baby, as keeping your body healthy.  I work in short bursts - 1/2 an hour work, 1/2 an hour rest.  I cancel alot of the children's lessons and activities because I think it is more important to keep the home happy and me a nice mother. I teach the children to help, from the 4 year old who will "pick up the floor so you don't squish your baby, mum" to "big boys"   7years and up, making dinner so I don't throw up.  This also helps them appreciate and love me more - that service thing again.  I swim alot to keep in as good condition as possible and it's certainly worth the effort involved for how much better it makes me feel.  I admit to myself and others that I am pregnant and not well and turn down most assignments.  I rest alot and sleep alot. These things I have to change are worth it to me for a calm, happy home and a calm, happy baby...
When I was in hospital with this angel baby, I was raving in a besotted way about how wonderful she was to the nurses.  Me: "I've never SEEN such a calm baby!"  Nurse: "I've never seen such a calm mother- the two are directly related."
 

This feeling thing also applies to children as they grow, so that your mood sets the tone of the whole home. If a child feels your feelings - watch your interactions with this thought in mind and see-  you are the one who can make the change.   If there is a scene going on, we don't fix it by joining in.  We don't calm down anger by adding to it with our own yelling or stress. 
 
What I am trying to say is that to a larger degree than you think possible, you, the mother,  control the feeling in the home.
  
By the things you do to set the stage- preventative strategies such as keeping yourself stable and in a position to give, 
By noticing  and predicting recurring times of stress and taking steps to manage those better,
By the teaching you do and setting up a high standard, 
By watching the children-  knowing who is feeling fragile or cross or restless,
By diffusing a tense situation before it becomes one, rather than being busy and letting stuff go on in your home that should not,
By how you handle current problems that have already developed, such as 'rocking chair therapy' (more on that later), 
By using distraction and by adding humour to calm things down, 
By your presence-  "Everything's OK. Mum is here."
 
 
Try this with a small child: At a calm moment, hold her in your arms, shut your eyes and think about how much you love her. 
Say, "I am sending you a message- listen- what is it? What are your feelings telling you?" 
"You love me."
 
A child  gets it.  We just have to remember it.
 
Now that you know that a child feels your feelings, you can use this knowledge to help with what you are trying to achieve.  You won't feel guilty for spending time on yourself or resting because you know its all for the cause! 
You will understand the child's behaviour and how large an effect you have on them.  You will start to see HOW to handle the dramas. 
 
The vision you have of love at home will come true as it becomes your nature, the nature of your home, the nature of your family.
.