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My Mothering Vision - Georgina

Written by Georgina

For me Mothering is all about priorities!

I am going to paraphrase one of my favourite scriptures from the Old Test and a discussion Elder Hales gives about it cause it is how I feel about my role as a mother.

As a mother I follow the example of the prophet Nehemiah, who built a wall around Jerusalem. Nehemiah’s enemies entreated him to meet them on the plain, where “they thought to do [him] mischief.” Nehemiah wisely refused their offer with this message: “I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, whilst I leave it, and come down to you?” (Nehemiah 6:2–3). I too have a great work to do, which will not be accomplished if I allow myself to be stopped and be distracted.

Mothering to me is the most important (besides being a wife and child of God) aspect of my life.

I think it is so great that I am able to learn from others how to be a great mother. As my husband likes to quote- Stravinsky one of the great musicians stated "Great composers don't borrow, they steal." All my parenting ideas have come from mentors, successful Mothers, the Scriptures and books. My absolute favourite is by Linda & Richard Eyre "The Happy Family. What’s happening to Families...and how to save yours".

Other books that I love are

· Raising Happy Children

· A Mothers book of Secrets By Linda Eyre & Shawni Pothier

· Teaching Children Joy Linda & Richard Eyre

· What the Scriptures teach us about raising a child. S.Michael Wilcox

We LOVE The Scripture Scouts (Have to say these are AMAZING!). Also love www.valuesparenting.com

When I was young I never really thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up. My closest to thinking about it was when my Mum who is a nurse took me one day up to the next-door neighbors farm to do a SMALL dressing on the grandma of the home who was old and fragile and had hurt her leg. Well I was super keen but when I got there in the sun and the blood I started to cry and felt really sick so I was sent to sit under a tree while the dressing was done. That ended my wonderful career in medicine.

Even when I finished school and was deciding what to do their was no thought about getting married, having babies (little did I know) all I wanted to do was play my saxophone at the Sydney Conservatorium and play in Mark Walton's sax orchestra. Which I did and loved. But with the decision of going to uni there was no thought of the after part making money, long term plans.

In the last semester of uni I was blessed to marry a wonderful guy and 11months later we joined the church. Still did not have any clue about what Heavenly Father had in store for me.

We made a friend named Jack Zufelt who we talked to about many things, which included having kids. I laugh as I think of my ignorant mind and answers - something like this:

"Jack we want to travel, own a castle in France, make millions of dollars, be the number one charitable foundation in Australia, these are the things I/we really want to do!"

"No it isn't"

"What! Of course it is"

"Now I want you to listen and be open and feel and hear truth. Can you do that?"

"Okay, but really you have no idea what I want" (In times like that you look back and think man I should have just shut my mouth)

"What you want more than anything else in your life is for Tim to look after you, to be a mother."

"What??!! No way have so much other stuff to do; I've never held a baby. I don't really like kids all that much. Nah got too much other things to do."

Again with great authority and love he spoke these words again "What you want more than anything is to be a mother and for your husband to look after you" they hit me so hard that I started to cry and could only say 'yes' meekly and humbly. I had absolutely no idea how that discovery of truth was going to play out in my life, but I felt the power of the spirit whispering and filling me with light. I knew from then on that that is what I was supposed to do. My heart had felt the sweet power of the spirit. My head took a little bit more. But within the year we were pregnant and in July 2006 we were blessed with our first little baby girl.

5 years on since that phone call. So much has changed. It has been a grand journey (though if we could have babies without sickness and child birth wow now that would be heaven on earth!) It hasn't been easy but what a huge blessing!!

When I think of "Creating Childhood" I think of the time from pregnancy through to 21years and then I think of the time beyond that when we change role and have a consulting relationship. I think of all the trials and experiences that they will face and think of all the things I want to create in them so they can go through life well and enjoy their journeys no matter what. I think about teaching, loving lots of laughter, sacrifice and fun. I think about so many things that it all starts to overwhelm me with the too familiar thought "Ah, am I going to be able to do this magnificently?" I so want to get this right; it is my most important goal/dream/desire. I then think of all the beautiful promises that I have. My most special is in my patriarchal blessing where it simply states "Your children will be strong and steadfast for they will feel the presence of the Holy Ghost" Makes me cry and think that I am going to succeed!! Hooray : )

Childhood for me is wrapped up in me growing as a Mother and a righteous wife and woman, it includes our choices, as in, what Tim has studied to have money to support our family desires, it covers how we as parents talk, think, act. I want to create such an anchor of peace and happiness that they will take, and build on as they grow.

For me mothering includes Tim so much because it is through him that I get to be at home with my babies. I am so grateful for him for that. He not only works hard but also figured out a way that he could work and run his business from home. I think of this as planned serendipity (another Eyre phrase British writer Horace Walpole, defined it as "that quality of mind which, through awareness, sagacity, and good fortune, allows one to frequently discover something good while seeking something else") The things he gets to hear and just be involved in is wonderful. Every day in our home is happy because we are all together. I feel the promise of Elder Paker - the promise of our family being "wrapped up in righteousness". It is great.

Things that I want to have/feel and what I need to teach in my home, things we are doing or want to do:

· UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

· COMMITTMENT: They know that our family is the most important thing and that it takes commitment and re-commitment. I want them to always want to work at it.

· COMMUNICATION: Teaching that we are all too important to give up on that sometimes it is hard but "We have to find a way"!

· Loyalty!!!!!!

· That our kids will be each others Best friends Forever, I always get them to list off all our family's names to the question "Who is your best friend?'

I want to teach them to never betray their feelings for any reason. Be true to each other and their priority is always to be LOYAL.

· Warmth, acceptance and security.

We don't do TV in our home: We believe that electronic media seriously hampers the development of a child's imagination something that I so want to enhance. It is one of those 'things' that I as a mother can control. When we were at a friends place she said that she would rather her son play a sports video game than watch TV because at least with a video game she knows what is in it. There are just so many bad, unnecessary, detrimental, terrible things on TV at all times and in all shows. Also we don't do computers. I know that they will be able to use them extremely well. Starting them early will only hurt their development mentally, emotionally and physically. Who wants to sit at a boring computer when there is beautiful sky, bodies to dance with and jump and run? Books to read and stories to tell and act out.

We hear about EI - emotional intelligence - and for me this is such a huge part of what I want to create for my girls. I want them to feel so happy, safe and secure within themselves that no matter what trials, they will never doubt that they are special children of God.

I want to show them that when we have a disagreement we are able to discuss, repent, and forgive. I want them to see a mother and father deeply in love and having each other and their children as the centre of their universe. Everything else (church, business, government, school) existing purely for us to be stronger not us existing for 'them'.

We have family laws and traditions (of which these are continuing to grow as more children come etc). We do communication, friendship, love, compassion, service, and kindness.

Our family Laws are

1 Peace

2 Respect

3 Order

4 Sharing

5 Obedience

We get them to list them off and tell why we have them and the answer is

"To make us HAPPY"

(I learnt these from The Eyre's book: love them)

BIG GOAL: Home their favourite place! The Temple their second favourite place in the world.

Gospel driven: Being diligently obedient to all the principles of the gospel.

Family Prayer

Personal Prayer

Family scripture study

Family Home Evening, Sabbath observance, are just part of who we are.

· A place to learn faith, repentance and forgiveness.

I always stop when the phrase "Look at me" is yelled and I ask them to show me again and again =makes them feel I love what they are doing and helps them to have self confidence.

I let them play make believe games (Last night Matilda was in bed and she was singing and talking and at the end called out, "Mummy did you hear me I was giving a talk and singing the hymns") we sail on Nephi's boat and dress up like Sariah or Mary. We pretend to be Martha and Mary with Jesus coming to visit. We play shops with a little trolley and food from the cupboard. And most mornings we all have to pay for our breaky at the 'register'. We play schools, weddings & office. Tilly actually has her own little office set up in Tim's office and books appointments for him.

Tim LOVES bikes and uses this to build fun time with the girls. Teaching them to ride, taking them on dates to the park (which means I get a little 'ME' time) teaches Tilly how to change a tyre and do the million things that bike tinkerer's do ; )

We do Joy School. Matilda comes in with her 'school bag' and I get to be Miss Georgie (or a hundred other names she makes up but usually 'Teacher') we play games, read stories but best of all get to study the different 'joys'. We are at the moment learning about "The Joy of Individual Uniqueness" we sing songs all about being unique. It is a happy and fun time. Full of laughter, play time & lots of giggles when 'Joy Mouse & Joy Girl' ( Puppets we bought in Hahndorf at Chrissy) come to visit.

We do High 5’s, a lot, for things like “good use of colour!” “That was so kind give me a high 5”

We do dates.

These look like

Spouse date nights: for Tim and me it is every Saturday night after the girls are in bed we usually get lollies and sit on our bed and talk about our life, dreams, goals what's happening the next week. Sometimes we will get a movie and watch it. Don't do this that much cause they hardly bring out G rated movies. Sometimes we do business planning (pays to plan - means that we can keep this great situation of Tim's business at home and be able to have the money to achieve the events we want) actually we do this alot cause we are in that zone at the moment. We talk about our parenting goals. We talk about what makes us happy, about general conference talks, the scriptures. Every month we do a 5 facet review (Happy Families book) about our bubba's. We go through the 5 questions which are 'How is ...(name of child)... going'

· Spiritually

· Emotionally

· Physically

· Mentally

· Socially

Mummy Dates/Daddy Dates. We do something fun. Tim's favourite is taking them bike riding (Tilly on her bike and Gabby in the bike trailer) and then breaky at The Entrance water front. I like taking them to lunch at the nursery.

Enjoy the journey: I have these words in vinyl to remind me that a 3 year old screaming and having a hissy fit, a laundry that has clean clothes a mile high, a pile that seems never to get folded, a look at my treadmill and a thought of I really need to do that sometime, a full day of plans and then a sick baby who only wants mummy's hugs on the couch. These are all the enjoying the journey things. I am trying really hard to smile rather than frown even if I am tired to my eyeballs.

No rushing allowed! Nothing is as important as enjoying my babies and husband. I think of the police phrase 'Don't die for a deadline' and think that we can kill such wonderful moments in childhood and life in general by rushing. I take my time and do what needs to be done (cleaning, chores, calling stuff) but if it can't get done within this pace then it doesn't get done.

I want their childhoods and lives to be magnificent.

Like a Leonardo painting.

We can look at it and appreciate and love it but we will never/can never understand the sacrifice, time, physical labour, heavenly help and pure joy he felt in creating those priceless artworks.

I feel every special lovely thing I teach is like a brush stroke on their souls. I want to make each one count and be joyful.

You wont see each careful line but you will see a priceless creation.

Lori's Profile

Written by Lori

LOOKING BACK ON MOTHERHOOD

Just recently my youngest child, a 25 year old son, whose main love throughout his life has been basketball, thanked me for years of torture (torture as in ‘learning to play the violin’). He enjoyed his orchestra concert so much that he didn’t even mind having missed his team’s semi-final! He was forced to miss – he was being graded on his concert, and the basketball game was just intramural – but to hear him announce without reservation that the concert was ‘so awesome, it was totally worth it to miss the game’ .......WOW! From a mom now in the ‘looking back’ stage, I want to let you know that the hard work is so worth it!

I have always loved being a mother. I love music, too, obviously, and felt that it was an essential part of my children’s lives. And as much as I enjoy their talents, the sound of my child calling me ‘mom’ is the sweetest music I’ll ever hear.

LOOKING BACK......hmmm.....makes me want to go back. Makes me want to sit back, think back, give back, take back, climb back, lay back, cut back, stand back. I want my kids to come back – come back to whatever age I’m missing on any given day – oh, if looking back only meant that I could go back and actually see what I’m looking back at.

Yes, I’ll make a few changes while I’m there. Good, better, and best was always a difficult concept for me. I’m a little better at it now. Sometimes good would have been better than best, while many times, good really should have had an upgrade.

But I’d better be getting back to my looking back.

I wished I’d taken more time to sit back. Sit back and enjoy those precious kids. When I hear about young mothers today doing that, I rejoice.

I’m so thankful for a strong mind, so I can look back to my memories. I spent a couple of hours the other day (after I’d found the one picture I’d gone to retrieve) just thinking back, smiling, remembering.....

I wish I could give back some of the time I took from my babies, and gave to someone or something else. Take back some of that time and spend it with my kids. I’d stand back and watch them more, be more laid back, cut back on a few commitments, definitely cut back on criticism and tell them how perfect I thought they were. If I could just climb back into those days and have a little more time.....

I really LOVED having my little kids. I was feeling quite devastated with the fact that they were growing up and away, and then along came grandkids!!! And it is like my kids have come back!! Almost.

As I look back on motherhood, it is with such joy, such accomplishment. No, I wasn’t a perfect mother, but I was a good one. My children love me. We have strong relationships. They have become good people, educated, caring, hard working, and so beautiful! I find such joy in them.

Looking back on motherhood is looking back on family – the most important chapter in my life. I was somehow blessed to have a part in giving my children the experience of belonging to a secure, happy family, in a home with a mom and dad who love each other and love their children. I will be forever indebted and grateful for this, because I know that many, often through no fault of their own, do not have this blessing. I am often awed by the fact that I was given a mate who would love me and our children so completely. I am also awed by those who do not have this, and yet still endure well and succeed in providing security and love to their children.

Looking back, there are really not many more changes I’d make. My children are better than I am. They learned from my mistakes – and they learned from my accomplishments. I, too, have learned from both. If I’d never made mistakes, would I have learned anything? I don’t have to drown in regrets. What is important, is where I am now. Have I grown and become better and stronger? Am I still ‘my kids mom’? Can I look back on motherhood with longing, with love, with joy? To that, my answer is a resounding ‘yes’!

But I still wish I had a playback button!!!

Athelia's Profile

Written by Athelia

(Athelia is Kaye's mother and is now a grandmother and great grandmother of many. Many of Kaye's wonderful ways with her children were learned from her mother, so I was interested to read what stood out to her as important in her child raising years. She and her husband Bill are the parents of 13 children)

When we were expecting our eleventh child we were living in a home we had long outgrown and knew we had to find something more suitable. We had prayed each time and both felt the Lord wanted us to have each child. We looked at several homes in various cities and were frequently treated like morons who didn't know how to avoid getting pregnant. Then a thirty six room home a few blocks away from where we'd been living for seventeen years was put on the market. When we saw it, we knew it would be perfect for our large family, but the price was far beyond our means. Again we prayed and promised the Lord that if we could possibly get it, we would share it gladly.

Bill told our real estate agent to offer the highest sum we could afford. At first she refused to suggest such an unreasonable price, but she finally relented. When she announced our offer, the owner took a deep breath and said, "I have had offers for several thousand dollars more than you have offered, but THIS house needs your family!"

Actually he had it backward because having such a large and beautiful home made a huge difference in the lives of all of us because we could invite as many people as we wanted to share it at any time. It soon became the place for many, many meetings, dances, parties and gatherings of all kinds not only for our family but for schools, church and community. We called it Tanner Manor, but I told the kids it was not the manor you live in, but the manner in which you live that is important.

We obtained Tanner Manor very close to Christmas and it was really the only thing Bill had wanted that year. On Christmas morning I blindfolded him and we all drove up to our new home where I had tied a huge red ribbon bow between two pillars on the front porch. We then led him up to the porch, untied the blindfold and let him cut the ribbon to his wonderful Christmas present. We spent the following days packing, loading and unloading the car with furniture and belongings - ending our final delivery about eleven p.m. the night before the children were to return to school. All of the children had been tucked into bed with the exception of Terri, who stayed up late to iron all her clothes. As had been done countless times during the many years before, she lit the fire in the gas fireplace. There were actually eight fireplaces, but this particular one had been converted into a gas fireplace long after the original construction and a new pipe that had a right angle in it had been installed. During the ensuing years of use, that right angle had just about worn through. In fact, our neighbours who lived across the street said that the night before, as Terri was finishing up her ironing, they noticed lots of red sparks flying out of the chimney.

Because the week between Christmas and New Year's was a holiday, the utility employees were on vacation and the heating for the home was not turned on until the day after the New Year's. The home was really cold with those few days of no heat, so naturally we turned on that fireplace to take the chill off the house as the children were preparing to leave for school. Just before 8 a.m. Richard ran up the front stairs shouting, "Mom, there's a fire!" Thinking he meant the fire in the fireplace, I responded, "I know and keep away from it." But he yelled, "No, there's a fire behind the walls by the stairs!" I ran out, heard and saw the crackling flames, called the fire department and then grabbed Scott and Daken from their beds. We had barely started down the back stairs when the firemen arrived. The entire attic was ablaze with what was called 'a contained fire', so when they opened the attic door, billows of heavy black smoke were released. If I had been a minute later, the lungs of those two tiny infants couldn't have handled it. There were so many other amazing miracles about this incident: because the shifts at the fire station changed at 8 a.m. there were double the number of firemen available to help, without which they would have been too shorthanded to save the home: if Terri had continued ironing even a few minutes longer, that fire would have started and worked its way down to the bedrooms and none of our children would have had a chance to survive!

The ironically happy addendum to this miracle was that here was so much smoke damage that our entire lower floor had to be repainted - at no cost to us because we had fire insurance that covered the thousands of dollars of repairs. We did have to repack enough things to get by until the house was ready but were able to move back into our former home for the two months it took to repair the damage. For many months afterwards however, every time I heard a fire engine, I felt sick to my stomach, and each time I drove home from somewhere and found our beautiful new home was safe and still standing, I uttered a prayer of thanksgiving.

We let each child know that we really wanted him or her and that each one was very special to us. In addition, we always tried to teach our children to be each other's best friends. We told them that they would have many dear friends and associates over the course of their lives, but none would be as important as their own brothers and sisters. "Your siblings are your dearest friends," I often said.

Dad and I also used to touch our children a great deal. It is one thing to tell a child you love her, but kind touching and caressing can strongly reinforce this idea. I liked to snuggle in bed with our children. Often they would share things with me in the darkened room that they didn't feel comfortable telling me when we were face to face in the well-lit kitchen. Also, they shared more because they wanted to keep me visiting in their rooms.

When John was in kindergarten, someone broke a window. The teacher was quizzing everyone about who had broken it. A child commented, " Ask John - Tanners always tell the truth." This became the motto and expectation in raising our children.

Bryan, some of his friends and I went shopping. I was so tired. Bryan tried a belt on and forgot to take it off. We were parked so far from the store when he discovered he was still wearing it. We had to go clear back to take back this $1.00 belt. I was so exhausted, but it was worth it because he remembers the importance of honesty.

A big house and a big family forced me to be super organized. I always thought of this as self-defense, but a few years ago, I was at church with Janet and the teacher mentioned that angels help us. I presumed that if I just stayed up late and got up early, didn't sleep very long, planned ahead and used my talent to organize, I could do it... and so could anyone else willing to work hard. I suddenly realized that during all those busy and difficult years, I did have the help of angels and that their help enabled me to get done what I needed to do. Tears came to my eyes as I finally understood and could acknowledge God's role in my life. I always prayed for help, but I didn't recognize that God knew my needs and He helped me by sending angels. There was no way I could have done it all without divine help.

Bronwyn's Profile

Written by Bronwyn

Early on in our marriage Tony and I attended a stake conference meeting at our church where an area leader spoke to us about the importance of the mother staying at home with the children. He outlined the extra cost involved when a mother works (new clothes, transport, even makeup!) and then he blessed the congregation that if the mothers would stay at home to raise and nurture the children, they would always be able to provide for the temporal needs of their families. Tony and I knew this is what we wanted for our children and this blessing has been significant for us as we have encountered challenges along the way. We know that the most important place for a mother to be is home nurturing her children and I am so grateful that Tony has supported me in this role.

So....Things I love to do with our boys.Things that are important to me.

*Playgroup has been fantastic organised fun! Lots of new toys to play with and a bit of social interaction for us all.

*Mornings at the park.

For example this week I had a blissful Thursday morning with our 2 younger boys aged 4 and 2 years. We went to the botanical gardens where the beauty and expanse help us to relax and enjoy each other’s company and use up heaps of little boy energy. We threw the Frisbee to each other and high into the air. We tried to catch small leaves falling from trees as the wind blew. We ran up a green grassy hill and then back down again. We fed the ducks and I sheltered the boys as a cheeky duck made his way right up onto the bridge and next to us. We bought a treat from the garden shop and walked though the vege garden as we ate an ice-cream.

What a blessing to spend all morning like this with the ones I love.

*Brotherly love is a big focus for me (we have 4 boys..sometimes 5 when Tony’s son comes to stay)I tell the boys how blessed they are to have each other. That they will always have a friend to spend time with and support each other throughout their lives.

We have” late dates” (Lisa’s idea)where one gets to stay up later and make a treat for the other. They love this.

In the school holidays “mums room service” is available. On a “Mums room service” morning I take a printed menu up to their room along with pens and a bell to ring me. They fill out their order and then I prepare and deliver it to their room. I have many choices; freshly squeezed juices, milkshakes ,hot chocolates ,pancakes ,toast, cereals, yoghurt ,fresh fruit etc. Mostly they order it all J

I like to serve them in this fun way as they help me with many things and it is one way I can show my love and thanks to them.

*notes in school lunches and under pillows are good

*always be at the crossroads

*making bedtime a peaceful, nurturing, unhurried time where a lullaby of their choice is always sung..even our 12 year old boy still wants me to sing to him...but he wouldn’t probably want you to know that J

*We love reading and I love to see them read a whole day away. I paid Fletcher $5 to read his first big book. After that it was $1 each for the next 5 books. I told him it was my way of tricking him into loving books...it worked! They love books and can’t get enough of them. The sharing of books and stories brings us all together too.

*Spiritual traditions for us include Sabbath day church attendance, a weekly family night, nightly family scripture study and morning and evening prayers. We know that these things will teach and bless and bind us eternally and they bring us much Joy in this life..especially (according to the boys Im sure)the family night games J

I’m holding onto the motto of “A family that prays together, stays together”

The boys help me a great deal around the home.Tony travels quite a bit and so we all need to pitch in and help get things done.

We have tried to explain to them the importance of work.

Everyone needs to learn how to work to make a success of this life. Prophets have told us that “The Lord loves the labourer”(Dieter.F.Uchdorf Ensign Nov 2009)

I explain how we all need to do our part to help the family,this will prepare you for your future mission, family, chosen employment ,life!

I expect that they will help me.

Tony tells many stories from his youth where he was expected to work very hard for his father and the family. Rewards came for him as a child..like having a lot more pocket money to buy cap gun pellets,but he also learned an important principle which has blessed us.

So, our boys clean a bathroom each ,each weekend..we have 3 so this helps!

Wash and wipe up every night, we don’t have a dishwasher, so this helps !

They fold clothes and put clothes away, mostly in the general area of their cupboards.
They do the washing machine routine(which is taking clothes from the washing machine and putting them in the dryer etc)

And they are always helping with last minute tidy up the lounge room /hallway/entire house.

They help in the garden and other larger family projects.

For their efforts they receive a grand total of $2 per week!! (under 12 year olds). I do give out other financial rewards for jobs over and above the expected chores and we make sure to treat them regularly like a surprise night at the movies with Dad,or help them with a bigger item they have been saving for, lunch orders or book club orders. This helps I think for them to see there is reward for their efforts.

Having them help around the home has meant I have had to spend a little time training them on how to do a job or what standard is expected but this is all part of it which is worth it for the results. The bathrooms sparkle ..mostly, and they know where everything goes and can transform a room in minutes.

At times they are reluctant to help but if they complain or argue or take too long, then they get an extra job! This is supposed to help them to see that it is better to do one job without complaining that to have to then do a whole bunch of jobs on their own.

I am very grateful for the help they give me and I make sure to hug them and pat them on the back and say how proud I am of them and how impressed I am that they are so helpful and willing.

I am by no means the model Mum. I have sooo much to learn. I am soooo in need of patience and understanding! Through prayer and Priesthood blessings I have been given advice and direction. But so much of my mothering has come from watching and seeing what works and what doesn’t.

This is why I looove Lisa and her website sooo much J

She and other angel mothers like her, have taught me so much and given me a realistic and practical example of how to be more loving, patient and kind and have so much more joy in my mothering.

I am still trying to improve, learn, change and become more Christlike in my mothering but I love our boys deeply and treasure the blessing I have to be a full time Mother.

Much love

Bron

xxxxx

Kaye's Profile

Written by Kaye

(I met Kaye when she and her family lived in Australia for a few years. I greatly admired her energetic, adventurous spirit and the wonderful things she did with her children. Since I am so inspired by her, I asked her to send us some of her stuff. This is an extract from a book she, her mother and sisters put together for the next generation of their extended family. She and her husband have ten children.)

I learned a statistic that literally changed my life. That is, that siblings have the longest relationships of anyone, i.e. they know each other longer than any other friend or even their parents. This is significant considering that our relationships with our siblings can be the most rewarding, satisfying, engaging in our entire lifetimes, or just the opposite! We encourage our children to "become each other's best friends" as Mom would say.

We hold family prayer every night, and most everyone is happy to participate. Individual prayer is less monitored, but encouraged. Here's one tip that has worked well for us. Before I listen to the children's individual prayers, I give them a snort kiss and ask, "Who loves you?" They respond with a rote, "Mommy and the WHOLE family!" Then I ask, "But who loves you more?" and they respond, "Heavenly Father and Jesus."

Then we go through a litany of goals I have helped them set. (I make no apology for this, as I have just as much right to 'indoctrinate' our children as any mindless TV show.) I say," What are you going to be when you grow up?" They say, "A righteous woman/man,...and serve a mission,...always tell the truth and be kind,... stay off the streets (figuratively and literally),...get married in the temple,... live a life of service,...graduate from college,...obey my parents,...return with honor." With so many outside evil influences pulling our children toward the Dark Side, it is my right and my duty to establish high ideals for our children. They need to have goals to strive for in this life, and the ones they recite each night are vague enough to encompass any of our children's lives, yet broad enough to cover the important goals.

On a funny note, our four young children were involved in a musical theater production one summer, and were introduced to the audience beforehand. Unbeknownst to me, they were asked what they wanted to be when they grew up. When four-year old Tori was asked the question, she rattled off the whole litany. I can only imagine the interviewer's face when she spouted off the whole list.

One thing we did right in our parenting is handling our children when they did something bad (like breaking a window). It is to simply say, "Oh thank you for telling the truth. I would emphasis the triumph of being honest over the embarrassment of making the mistake. This way they could feel like they could come to me with any problem. I think admitting you've done something wrong is hard not only for children, but for adults too. We hold up Uncle Scott in esteem when we say that he was known as 'Mr Integrity' at Stanford University.

Unkind language is not permitted in our home. Words like "shut up", "crap", "suck" or "stupid" are banned. If they are accidentally shouted out, I would say, "Excuse me!?" which actually allowed a little time to pass for the child to rescind his ugly outburst. It was like giving them a second chance. The same went for sassy language. If a child would snap at me or others in a sassy tone, I would say, "Excuse me!?"
One word I have come to dislike is "whatever". To blare out "whatever!" implies a superior attitude, disregarding the other person's intelligence or point of view and showing a callous disrespect or regard for other people's opinions. We have equated this words negativity with "shut up" or "suck" for this reason.

Two simple phrases that do promote respect are: "I can see that", or "You have a point there." I think adults should ask more questions and give less advice, but that is a rare skill.

When I drop off our children to school each day, I rehearse two things: "ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH, and BE KIND!" I feel these two virtues are the cornerstone of Christian values.

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