Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted….

How often had I heard that expression before I had children myself? And yet this was an adventure that I was excited to embark on. I was apprehensive as well, but mostly excited. I thought I was prepared, but of course I wasn’t… not really. I didn’t realise how much love I would feel in my heart, how much worry and frustration there was room for in my life, but most of all how much fun (and mess)!

Did I expect my children to arrive complete with a set of instruction manuals? Not really. But did I hope? Absolutely! We are making our own instruction manuals as we go along now. Most of the ideas for these manuals come from two places – our own experience of childhood and the scriptures. Using these as guidelines we hope to help shape individuals with good values, faith and self esteem who are well equipped to navigate this world while preparing for the next.  This is the long term goal.

The short term goals look somewhat different. Our three children were born in the space of 39 months so there were days when my short term goal was to simply keep them alive and me sane!

But mostly the short term goal is to make the best out of each day, trying to find new ways to provide adventures for inquisitive minds and ways to help spend the seemingly endless energy that my boys especially, but also my daughter, have.

I am a strong believer in the power of free play. “In my day” there was not a whole lot of TV and electronic toys. Our play was not structured for us and we were allowed to play quite freely making up our own games. Obviously times have changed, and I find it quite ironic that we now have to organise free play!

Free play helps children learn, develop their imagination, gives them self-confidence and problem solving skills. Super important!

When all my instincts are telling me to keep my children safe, it is hard to let them loose to develop these skills further, but motherhood is teaching me how to analyse risk to benefit ratio. And so I let my children roam and explore (albeit sometimes a little nervously) in order for my children to learn to rely on themselves and to learn from experience, much like our Heavenly Father lets us learn and develop I suppose! Like Him we give guidelines for safety and sometimes the children learn the hard way what happens if the guidelines are not listened to….

Central to my parenting is a strong urge for my children to feel loved and to feel special.  I express this in words by telling them they are loved, but also  by hugging.  I have an “Open Lap Policy”, and when the children want to come for a cuddle or sit in my lap, I find the time. Through expressing my love this way I try to make up for the many ways that my parenting is flawed…. I am still striving to always keep my cool, not always successfully and I am frequently fumbling around for parenting problem solving skills. But I know how to hug. The benefit of this is that my children are very affectionate. I especially love that my boys remain affectionate because I feel it is important for them to be able to display affection and emotion and to be able to display it appropriately when they are older.

If I was to write out a manual for my children, these would be some of the main points!

• Find every playground in a radius of at least 10 km with a good fence (for preschoolers), visit them on rotation.
• Find the parks with the best climbing trees - let the children climb them!(If I am looking for my children in parks now, I look up first  J )Exciting playground equipment like flying fox, nets and swings are a bonus!
• Take time to go for a walk, make sure we leave time to walk slowly, stopping frequently to explore interesting rocks, bugs, clouds, etc etc,
• Sing! Kids love music and they are the most uncritical audience you will ever have. My kids think I am the best even if I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.
• Life is too short to be too self-conscious…. Silly voices when reading is a requirement! As Mem Fox would say “release that inner actor!”
• Go out in the rain to enjoy the puddles and find/make mud. Getting wet is also fun!
• Be not afraid of the mud….. it washes off.
  
  
  
  
  (Even off housewalls….)
  
  
  
  
  
• Roll in the mud (purely a spectator event for me! I had to draw the line somewhere) Use mud to make mudpies
• Childhood is a tactile experience – a little dirt and mess might be expected! (actually, a lot might be expected on occasion)
  
  
  
  
  
• Living room furniture make excellent components for forts/cubbies/clubhouses/spaceships.
• Never go anywhere without spare clothes and a towel in the car, because if there is water to be found, my children will be found in it whether it is a fountain, stream, pond or puddle. One of my sons made a shower of a bubbler once. The determination to get wet is strong – why resist? We just work with it.
• A little bit of mess is worth the joy gained by a child from being allowed to help cook/bake/clean.
• Do not judge by appearances – treasure might be found anywhere – a rock, a piece of wood, a piece of broken tail-light, a piece of tarmac.
• A good collection of sticks is essential. Even if we have sticks in the garden, more sticks might have to come home from the park to add to the collection. (Same principle applies to rocks)
• Have a well stocked craft supply – especially paints and a big roll of paper but also old egg cartons, boxes etc. Sticking, gluing, painting, creating is all part of the fun. (I also discovered that one of our shower cubicles makes an excellent canvas with its white tiles).
• TV/DVD player/PC (in a public area) can be a sanity saver for mum. I’m not opposed to a little electronic babysitting now and then.
• Remember to laugh. Children laugh 20 times more often than adults.. Sometimes it’s best to learn to see the funny side….
• Make bedtime special!  I love the end of the day when the children are clean and in bed. We get to have story-time and snuggles. Even if parts of the day have been fraught and I didn’t manage to keep my cool throughout, here is the chance to just talk, enjoy each other’s company and send my children off to sleep knowing that I love them.
• Enjoy as much as possible, because they grow quickly!