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Creating a Childhood
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Written by Lisa Rigby
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I'm pretty sure it's because we have so much happening at every hour of the day and night.
For me, definitely, the job was way too big. It was and is what I wanted, and I would go along loving the action and surprises of each day until a mother disaster would stop me in my tracks . "What on earth do you think you are doing?" Come on, you know what I'm talking about. Some major drama. Your fault. Usually highly embarrassing. You think it's because you don't have your act together, not quite organised enough. Nah, it's just part of the job.
Example 1
A little girl, no names mentioned, ran away from her mother at a shopping centre. The mother knew what she was in for straight away so was anxious to catch her first. This 3 year old found clothes annoying and unnatural so she stripped every chance she got. As her mother searched through each shop, she soon found a trail of clothes and a group of laughing people. The little girl was dancing naked with the manikins in the plate glass window which fronted the mall. "Yes she's mine.." Pick up a thrashing and screaming nude child , try to be discreet, remember all your mother goals, collect items off the floor, try not to react to your embarrassment.
Example 2
I take many small children on trips to the country and call it fun. This time I neglected the anti freeze for the radiator, even though I was reminded several times. It froze the first night and cracked the block, the car had to be towed for a major repair stranding me and mine way out in the country at a cabin. We caught the taxi, there was only one, to the mechanic....."Oh it won't be ready for a week?!!!"... While waiting for that taxi to return, I tended the babies using my broken car as a base. It was cold. I changed at least one dirty nappy. No bin. Left it in the car. Taxi came. My husband did a 12 hour round trip to rescue us. That nappy was left in the car, which sat for two weeks outside in the sun, until my brother talked his friend into driving my car home from the snow. He and his mate had to drive 6 hours with all the windows down and their balaclavas on because it was so cold. The smell was...strong. My brother enjoyed this very much- his friend's pain, my embarrassment, but I didn't even know the friend so didn't have to deal with it until a year later, all dressed up at a formal party, my brother introduced me. The response was "OH IT WAS YOU!!! and he loudly told the story all around.
Example 3
We live in a valley and have to tow our wheelie bins up a steep driveway to be collected. I hooked the large garden waste bin on the back of the car intending to drop it at the top and do the school run. Completely forgot about it. Did the kiss and drop in front of the school, several errands around town, ending a few suburbs away at my favourite quilt shop. I did get some toots and waves, but just thought people were extra friendly that day. As I walked into the shop I wondered why were people pointing and laughing.
And last- a poor woman whose mother disasters were so common she found her own way to deal with them. This is from Linda Eyre: I was at the grocery store when a woman walked in with a screaming baby about 9 months old. The baby did not let up the entire time. I passed the woman a few times during the shopping and she was saying, in a calm, patient voice things like, "It's alright Jessica, we just have to get the potatoes and then we can have some supper tonight. " and "Almost done - then we can go home, Jessica, and have a nice little rest. It's OK." We arrived at the checkout together and I couldn't help commenting to her, above the noise, about the calm way she spoke to her daughter. The woman looked confused for a second then said, "Oh! You don't understand. I'M Jessica." I would enjoy any of the mother disasters you have had, if you want to tell them:
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They are funny from a distance. And if you haven't a goodly list of them....Just You Wait.
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Seeing Through Your Child's Eyes Part 2 |
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Written by Lisa Rigby
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In December, I started this topic. It takes some mother training on your part. As you become an expert on your child (and who else will be?) you will see more clearly the childhood he needs. From December, just to remind you:
"What is this day like for him? How does the world look for her? What in this day made him feel happy? What in the day feels important and interesting to your child? What concerns, fears, interests does she think about? Yeah, I wish we could all be like Mary Poppins and have a maid and a cook and plenty of money and our only job was to tend the children. There are many things we need to handle, and we do handle them. But a busy mother can easily go days, weeks, even a whole childhood without asking herself these questions. As the director and guardian of his childhood, you determine how his time is spent, what she is exposed to and which feelings are prevalent in the child's life. Trying to see the day through your child's eyes changes your perception of what is most important in your child's life. Often it brings you down to simple, happy realities. Often it strips away those pressures that seem important but are not.
This "seeing through a child's eyes" has alot of applications in helping you understand your child and your job as mother, in planning their childhood and in training their mother. So practise it and become good at it and next month I'll show you some of these. As Carli says in her profile, your vision will expand as you take time to look through your child's eyes."
1.Understanding your child
2.Understanding your job as mother
3.Planning their childhood
4.Training their mother.
There are others but this is a start
1. Understanding your child
Here is an example from one of you, Emma Hamilton. By taking the time to look through her child's eyes she understood him, so her mother response was in line with her vision: I am getting better at handling distressing situations. When my 3yr old pulled out my fruiting and flowering snow peas I didn't yell at him but told him it made mummy sad because now the plant would die and we wouldn't get any vegetables from the plant anymore. I asked him why he did it and he said the plants were in the way, his train couldn't get through on the garden edge which had become his train track. Once I understood the reason, and Sam often has a reason for his behaviour, it is easier to see that in this instance it wasn't a deliberate naughty thing and I handled it much better, without getting angry. When Sam left home and took his 18 mth old brother with him I was starting to panic searching the house and yard for my missing children. When I found them around the corner and halfway down the road I ran to them and hugged them and told them how worried I was and that they should tell mummy before going for a walk. Normally I would have yelled and smacked. Sam was just trying to follow his dad and older brother to soccer, he had explained
2. Understanding your job as mother
Another of you, Kelly, wrote this poem to describe how the view was so much better when she looked though her child's eyes.
Don’t Forget to Play
I’m going over in my mind The jobs to complete today But on my list I forgot to put To find the time to play I always make the bed The dishes do get done But when was the last time I read a story to my son? The bathroom is getting on my nerves There’s dirt just everywhere My kids don’t seem to see it though They really do not care I just want the house to stay the same As I left it just last night I love it when the carpet’s clean And the pillows sit just right It’s the middle of the morning And I haven’t cleaned the room But my child is jumping on me Begging me to ‘do a zoom!’ Lunch has just been served It’s time now for his nap I’ll get so much done while he’s asleep But he won’t get off my lap. I really need to fold the clothes But he’s dragging me outside I wish that he’d play by himself So I could stay inside I stop & think a moment Why am I so mad? My day is not going to plan And my son just seems so sad When did it all start Getting out of hand? I take a look around & my eyes rest on my plan Was it that I made the mistake Of forgetting why I’m home? Was this what I really wanted When I brought my baby home? I stop & get a shock What is it that I am doing? I’m trying to raise a family But I will be my own ruin I put the vacuum away The dishes can just wait I grab my son by the hand & we walk out of the gate We go for a little adventure My little boy & I We watch the birdies in the trees & follow them as they fly We stop & read together One, two, now three times through He never gets tired of hearing my voice And following the actions we do. We have a cuddle & a tickle & roll upon the ground He looks up at me and smiles His voice full of happy sounds At this moment he is The happiest boy that lived Why don’t I let him feel this every day Not just when I decide to give? It all depends on me If he is happy or feeling sad If I am the mum I know I can be He will have joy in life & be glad It’s funny how the day ended Though my list was incomplete I gave in to my son’s demands But I felt nothing of defeat It gave me so much joy To see my son so full of smiles All he wanted was for his mum Just to stay with him a while I enjoyed his so soft touch And the smell of his baby hair He gives such good cuddles How could I have not wanted to be there? He has gone to bed just now As tired as he's ever been But his smile was just for me The best one I have ever seen His eyes told me he was grateful For the time I spent today All he wanted was to be with me And to take the time to play Kelly Peihopa
3. Planning their childhood
You can choose which parts of the social culture around you, you wish your family to participate in. You are the one creating this childhood. If you want to do something differently -DO IT. It's not as if our modern child raising culture is a formula for success. As you are making the decisions of what his childhood will include - with all the input you will receive from those around you - let your knowledge of the child, his wants, talents, temperament and above all, happiness, influence you the most. What is his life like for him? What makes him happy?
I am encouraging you to feel confident to make the decision necessary to create the childhood YOU have in mind. Don't be pressured into doing what you don't want to do. Remember, YOU have both the knowledge and the intuition- the feeling, to make the best decision for your child. You also have the love to put the child first.
4. Training their mother
Over and over the things you each tell me prove that the love of a child is the motivation for all you do. It helps you put aside your own worries and think about the power you have to make a child happy.
To help you with learning this useful habit you could try two things.
For a month ask yourself each day- What is this day like for her? What in this day made him feel happy? Remembering that children have strong feelings- notice how your child expresses or hides them.
At bedtime you can ask:
What was your "happy" today?
What was your "sad"?
What are you thankful for?
You'll learn alot about her. You'll understand him better. You'll see the day through your child's eyes.
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Written by Lisa Rigby
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A little spirit child is ready to come down to earth. Heavenly Father says, "It's your turn. Are you ready?" Spirit child, "No, I don't want to go. It's a strange place down there. I'm afraid." Heavenly Father, "I will send an angel to watch over you." Spirit child, "But they speak a strange language there and I don't even know it." Heavenly Father, "Your angel will whisper words of love to you until you understand." Spirit child, "But I'll have a new body and I won't know how to use it. I won't even know how to walk." Heavenly Father, "Your angel will hold your hand every step you take." Spirit child, "But I'm afraid I'll get lost. I might not find my way back to you." Heavenly Father, "Your angel will kneel beside you as you pray." Spirit child, "But...." Heavenly Father, "It's time to go. You must go now." Spirit child, "But I don't even know my angel's name!" Heavenly Father, I't doesn't matter. You will just call her "mother'."
When a child is born they come from Heavenly Father's presence into our home. Rohn and I have always had a goal to make our home a place where the new baby would feel comfortable, not too big a change from heaven. The sounds her ears first hear would be words of gentleness and kindness. From our voices, the other children's voices, or from any media we may allow. The feelings he feels from those around him would be love, a feeling he would be used to, and reverence for his new life. Her handling, her first sensations of touch would be unrushed, without hassle. With gentleness. His sight, as he learns to distinguish faces, would be filled with people who love him.
A baby should be cuddled alot. Other tiny children, although their technique may be lacking, must be allowed to cuddle the baby. You hold the "old baby" on your lap, with the new baby in his arms, which are in your arms. Remember that a child feels your feelings? Even the toddler feels love as he holds the baby. It is bonding for both and important in developing the brotherly love we want in our family. A small child can be taught gentleness and a baby can handle a certain amount of loving jostling.
I think it was Monica who taught me this - used with good effect on many small children. You are sitting with your toddler and the new baby starts to fuss. You pretend you can't hear anything, but watch the toddler's expression. Then baby starts to cry and still you don't respond.
The toddler starts to get worried and says, 'Mum, the baby's crying!"
"Really? Are you sure? Let's go check if he needs us." And you walk together to the cradle. "Oh! You were right! Good Girl! What do you think he needs?"
It is fun to assume a helplessness so a toddler can participate more in the care of a new baby.
"Oh dear! Where did we put those nappies!"
The older little ones need not feel displaced, if you think about ways like this to have him save the baby and help you out.
I truly believe that the angel story is close to how it really is when a new baby comes to your home and those soft feelings a mother feels of creating and protecting her home are given by God to help her raise the child. Pay attention to them.
"Carl Sandberg once said, "A baby is God's opinion that life should go on." For that baby's future as well as your own, be strong. Be believing. Keep praying. Those prayers will be heard and answered in the most unexpected hour. God will send aid to no one more readily than He will send it to a child - and the parent of a child." Jeffrey R. Holland
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