Creating a Childhood
Teaching Children Obedience Part 1 PDF Print E-mail
Written by Lisa Rigby   

Obedience in the home teaches obedience to God. "Obedience is the first law of Heaven" It is an eternal principle.  Mosiah 5:8 D&C 105:6
What is the opposite of obedient?  Rebellious.
If we can teach children obedience through love, to have an obedient spirit, they will be better able to obey God.

Think of a time when you have obeyed a commandment and it was hard for you to do, maybe you didn't understand why or really did not want to do it, but you did it.  I'll bet you felt noble.  That feeling of obedience, of overcoming self, of submitting your will to God - is a good feeling.  It is a feeling we, and our children, should have more often.

Obedience takes self discipline.  As a child learns this they become able to control anger.  They feel pride in their own ability to control themselves.  They develop a strong spirit.  You have been given this child from God to love and to teach.  You are training their spirit to be obedient.

Allowing unpleasant behaviour to continue encourages the child to think only of themselves, to be selfish.  This character trait will marr all their relationships until it is fixed.  FIX IT NOW.

It is much nicer to live with a well-behaved child. The contention in the home in much reduced, you can have many more fun family times when you can count on cooperation, and the tax on your energy and patience is alot less-this has GOT to be a good thing!  When I say well-behaved, I mean by YOUR standard.  As mother you get to decide what you want to teach.  You can teach alot but not everything.  "HAPPY NOT PERFECT"

So much for theory, we all know we want obedient children but HOW!!

Teaching children obedience requires three main areas-

Play


Loving attention


Discipline


Today we will look at discipline.  It has two branches: mother training
child training

Mother Training

How do you get a child to improve their behaviour?  Improve your own.

A child feels your feelings. Be the calm in the eye of the storm.  Take care of yourself so you can be at your best (or thereabouts.....) 

I love the mother job.  Imagine being able to work all day with people you love so dearly!  You are creating a family and you get to design how it will be.  Think about your goals and ideals and find ways to make it happen.  This searching for solutions is one of the main ways you show your love.  You care enough to find a better way.

YOU set the standard in your home.  TRAIN and RAISE the child to this high standard.  Learn, ask other mothers, pray, receive revelation, do it with love, don't give up.  It is a job of contrasts with great joy and great frustration.

"Be angry and sin not'  Ephesians 4:26 D&C 29: 46-48 says little children before the age of 8 cannot sin.  We can.  We can learn to handle anger righteously.  We are not stifling emotions or pretending anger doesn't happen, we are showing them a better way to handle it. More on this later.

Avoid criticism, labels, yelling, threats.  These damage your relationship and bring contention into the home.  There is a better way.

"Pray for patience in your morning prayer  and report (or repent) in your evening prayer.

Usually we get angry over repeated behaviours.  We try to be patient or ignore it, then get pushed to the limit.  Instead, write a list of common behaviours and think, ask, pray about a better way to handle it.

Believe it or not a child's behaviour is predictable.  Plan YOUR behaviour.

Make a chart :CHILD       BEHAVIOUR         MY PLAN FOR BETTER ACTION

"Never argue with a two year old"  Dr Christopher Greene.  (or any age)

Don't try to fix everything at once.  What happens when people have a house on a busy road or beside a train track?  They tune out.  So a child tunes out too many orders.  Later we'll talk about: "Say Yes"
Monthly Themes and Family Home Evening.

How does the prophet teach us?  Does he say, "How many times have I told you to do your Visiting Teaching?!! Will you never learn?!!"
He doesn't use sarcasm, guilt, threats, criticism, anger.  He tells us how wonderful we are, gives us a vision of how it could be, teaches us how, encourages us, loves us, blesses us.

Follow this example in teaching your children.


Next week - child training -this is what you're really waiting for , right?

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Starting School PDF Print E-mail
Written by Lisa Rigby   



Five Years Old.  One of my favourite ages!  Curiosity, delight, energy all run high.  They think you, their mother, are the most wonderful person in the world.  Certainly the centre of their universe.  Others (even  dad, no matter how great he may be) are lesser beings.  You have guided and created their whole life up to this point.  Now you have to send them to school.

There's always alot of input on choosing a school or education method, nutritious lunches, backpacks, shoes and uniforms.

I'd like to focus on the more important aspect of starting school - the child's adjustment - oh, and yours too.

We were lucky enough to have the same kindergarten teacher for all nine of our children - Mrs Wilkinson.  The year our last child started school was her last year teaching.  She asked that he be in her class and we both  thought it was a milestone.   Her input into the first year of school has been very valuable to me and I felt happy to entrust my little one to her care.

Some of them race off to school like it is the greatest game ever invented.  Some are quite worried about it and this shows in really cute, funny, and sometimes heart-wrenching ways.

Firstly, ditch any competitive, comparing, thoughts of yours or comments from others. Not helpful and they distort the real issue - your child.  Example:
"MY child had no problem at all starting school - he's soooo well adjusted"  This could really mean anything from - "his personality likes social situations and new experiences"  to - "My home is dull and I'm too busy doing other things to provide an interesting childhood" 

What we are concerned with here is smoothing the start of school which will be a major element of his childhood from this point on.  Please keep in mind that although it is a main element, it is only 6 hours a day and far from the ONLY element, and provide and protect his other childhood interests and experiences. That is, PLAY!!

Don't let your self cry and cling- remember a child feels your feelings, nor quite yet cheer and dance, but show by your actions that everything is fine, you might miss each other, but he will be able to tell you all the things he has done and you will see him very soon.

For a sensitive child, put a lipstick kiss on the inside of her arm or on his tummy.  When she misses you, she looks at her kiss; or he feels it glowing there under his buttons and feels comforted.

Cut a picture of yourself into a heart shape (to prove you love him) and put it in his pocket.  Then he can stick his hand in his pocket and secretly hold the picture, knowing you love him and are waiting for him.

You are not trying to break or lessen that bond between the two of you. You are helping him have more independence from you but still with a firm strong home behind him.  Common comments such as " Just grow up",  "Stop being such a baby",  "Act like a big boy" are pushing away comments.

Notice how a baby, as she learns to walk, explores a small space, then comes back to your knee.  Then as a two year old the baby will go farther, but still, at intervals come back to your comfort.  This exploring the world, then coming back to mum continues, with greater distances, as the child grows through childhood and into young adulthood. 

You encourage independence while at the same time keeping the bond between you strong.  I like the quote,
"A mother is not  someone to lean on, but someone to make leaning unnecessary"

So for this first big separation - 'What! I have to go every day?" - help him, perhaps for the first time, to feel his ability to contribute to the world.
 
I really enjoy giving a five year old the " You are in charge of yourself" lecture.  His eyes grow big, he kind of squares his shoulders, chin up - this is a new idea! - his chance to make his mark on the world!  It goes along the lines of "You have been with me nearly all the time since you were born, in fact all your LIFE!  and now you are in charge of yourself for 6 hours a day.  It's a chance to show what you can do!  You can be brave and good and strong and kind and help out those little kids who are unhappy.  And then you can come and report and I can't wait to hear what you will tell me!"

 
Starting school issues can last a few months and recur every new term, so it's important to help out by planning that morning rush better and better.  It's always a bit tricky to make the morning rush endurable, let alone nurturing but we can always TRY!  The most important aspect of the morning rush is to NOT BE RUSHED!!  (More on that later)  Must have time for morning cuddles.

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